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This is a exercise that i have been working on. the task is designed to help me with my character development. the idea is that in 800 words I needed to discribe a character whilst maintaining the story.
what do you all think?
A Man of the Land
The hot sun beat down on his broad shoulders as he raised the sledgehammer above his head and brought it down with a swift powerful movement. Fencing was one of Tyron McLeod’s least favourite jobs but with storms coming. Storms that could spook his cattle. They had to get it done. It seamed too hot for a storm, the sun was bright the cloud were a long way north. Ty had been caught before and this time he was going to make sure that his stock stayed put.
Ty was known throughout the local area as hard working and loyal to his family. Ty wanted more, he wanted to expand the family farm, take on more cattle or even grow and cut their own hay. At 6’3” Ty would scare most people with his deep blue brooding eyes and dark hair but not his father Michael. Michael understood his son, he knew that he longed to grow, expand and make a name for himself. He also knew that at 25 he was still a young man who needed to relax and enjoy life. Mike pushed his son to slow down as often as he could.
“Ty 2 more strainers then we’ll head in for lunch by the looks of it we’ll have the afternoon before the storms hits” Mike yelled over the noise of the tractor and post digger.
“Sure dad, but don’t you think we should run through the top wire in case it breaks early” Ty said looking skyward trying to read what the weather was going to do.
During his spare time Ty loved working out with weights, taking long runs and playing footy. Even though he was considered a fit and strong man Ty felt every one of his aching muscles. Ty knows from experience that digging in now and getting the fence finished will be easier that chasing spooked cattle during a thunder storm.
“Your call Ty.” Both men went back to their work.
“Dad, Ty aren’t you two every going to come in for lunch. Mum sent me out here to make sure you two actually, do stop for lunch today. She’s even got a surprise to tempt you.” Ash spoke as she walked towards her two favourite men.
“Ash since you’re here, you can help run the top line” Ty looked affectionately at his twin sister, he knew she could always be counted on to give a hand.
Ashley and Ty although they were twins were opposites; Ty loved the land and wanted to spend his whole life at it whilst Ashley was a free spirit, she wants to explore, see the world and find her own knish. Ty and Ashley share a special bond though they are not identical. Ashley knew that Ty liked to scare people and let them think he was hard and mean. Ash also knew Ty’s soft side. She had seen his hard eyes soften as a calf stood for the first time or a child run to his father for comfort. Ashley’s would love to see her brooding brother find a woman that was strong enough to put up with his attitude and maybe develop that soft side. She believed that without a woman’s influence he’d shut himself off to the rest of the world.
“Right you two, tools down. I’m starving and heading in or the next thing you know your mum will be out to see what’s keeping us” Mike called as he headed for the Ute.
“Don’t forget the treat that mum promised” Ash chipped in, glad to be heading home.
“off you go tools in dad’s Ute and I’ll follow on the bike” Ty watch his sister throw her gloves towards the toolbox and race after their father. Gathering her gloves and any other tools left lying around, Ty stride after them and only just managed to get the tools on the back of the Ute before his father drove off.
Pulling his shirt on Ty took one last look at those clouds ‘with any luck the storm will blow out before it even gets here’ Ty thought to himself.
Turning away from the clouds he checked that there was nothing else left out in the weather. Ty made sure that the tractor was off and the keys under the seat. Lowering his hat on his brow Ty mounted his motor bike and follows them in stoping to shut the gates. Pride fills him as he heads for home. Ty loves this land.
admin
Nice job! Exercises like this one are great to get the juices flowing.
Here are a few points to think about when you're working on your next draft:
1. The paragraph that begins with 'During his spare time ...' didn't flow for me.
2. There were a lot of 'he knew', 'she knew'.
3. The line '... she walked towards her two favourite men.' can put off some readers. Writers need to be aware of equal rights and word things so it won't upset anyone, unless you want to stir certain feelings in the reader.
4. Why does Ty want to frighten people? '... Ty liked to scare people and let them think he was hard and mean.'
5. Try showing us his personality rather than telling.
You've done a good job, keep going with it.
tttime
Thanks
Once again you've given me heeps to work on. Its great to post something and have it broken down it makes me see where to work, and I feel motivated to keep going. I recommend everyone have a go.
After all reading is why you write, right..hehehehe
Lots to do before my next piece
thanks again
Tammy
Twiggy
Hope I'm not too late to have a say! We've learned a lot about Ty, while at the same time the story has been moving along, including action, imagery, and a glimpse into thoughts and feelings. Well done.
Looking through the story so far, we know he is a 25 year old farmer's son, has broad shoulders and is athletic, has blue eyes, dark hair, is hard working, loyal, ambitious, conscientious, is affectionate and caring but tries to make out he's hard, mean and scary. We know he broods over things and is in danger of shutting himself off from the world.
We know a great deal about him, but most of it we have been told, not seen for ourselves. We have seen that he is a good and conscientious worker, but we haven't seen him brooding, or trying to be mean and scary, or feeling for a calf or child, or playing footy.
Of course it's impossible to show everything, and fine to let his father's and sister's thoughts tell us some things - his own thoughts also could.
